How UPCAT broke my heart

                 The end of my third year high school life was nearing when the topic of college admission tests was brought. A flock of loud, enthusiastic friends of mine were talking inside the room during break time. “I want to study in UP!” Honey, my classmate, said. And so, the rest of the group shared where they want to spend their life as a college student. UP, Ateneo, UST, and La Salle were the common names you would hear from them. One even said that he would take all the entrance exams of the big four universities and choose the school where he would pass. Then, my best friend asked me, “Robin, how about you? Where will you study?” I was caught off guard. I never thought of thinking about it. I can’t respond. In fact, I don’t even know the answer.

                   Looking back at those times; I am really mesmerized on how things turned out to be. Truly, God has plans for us and He will make them come true in the least expected ways.

               The summer vacation has ended but I still don’t know where I would go for college. My friends are now preparing their UPCAT application forms; they asked me if I want to join them in passing their papers and I said yes. You might think that I’ve already decided to choose UP but no, I’m only pressured by the people around me and so with my parents who believe that an education in UP would be the best for me. Hence, we went to UP Diliman to pass our forms and this is the start of how I fell in love with the Philippines premier university. Walking along the wide roads of UP and breathing its fresh air made me realized the answer to the question I’ve been longing for; this where I want to study.

               Time flew fast and the day of the examination came. I did my best, bringing my prayers and dreams with me as I conquer the “hardest entrance exam” of all. I’m not that confident with my answers but I do believe that if this is God’s plan for me, he will give it to me.

                 And again, time passed by.

                The cold breeze of the air and the swirling joy of the people were felt. It’s that time of the year again where festive lights and colorful decorations were set along the streets and houses of every Filipinos. Who would have thought that during this season, when I was expecting to receive gifts, a heart break would come to me instead. The UPCAT results went out at the least expected moment. Some says that it was a Christmas gift from UP but it was not the case for me. Rather, it was a bomb that deteriorated my dreams. I failed. And it was the worst Christmas for me.     

                     At the lowness of my life, there came another spark of hope. My aunt told me that other UP campuses were accepting reconsideration applications. Luckily, my exam grade was 2.27, a grade that can even qualify to UP Diliman, as what my research tells me. So, I tried and went there with my mother despite the people telling me it was impossible. I know it is but it wouldn’t hurt to try, right?

                    This is the point wherein a man tries to make himself believe the impossible because that’s what his heart tells him. And yes, it was never possible. They rejected us... but it wasn’t the end of my fight. The day after that, I went to UP Manila to apply there instead. I filled up a reconsideration form, indicating the courses I’m planning to take. The problem is, I’m really not that interested with the list of the available courses they gave. But who cares? It’s still UP. Ergo, I continued.

                      A month had passed and there were the first batch of the results. Depressingly, my name wasn’t there.  At that time, UST, the only university that I’d applied for aside UP, called me. They said that if I’m not going to pass my form-138/ report card, they will revoke my slot. However, if I pass that card then it would mean bye-bye UP and hello UST. It was a battle against my hopes and my sanity. There’s no turning point. Should I still cling to my heart’s content or should I just be practical and choose UST?

                  It was a gamble. I decided to follow my heart. Absurd as it may seems, I didn’t passed my form-138. My friends and my parents’ friends said I was stupid but I ignored them. Weeks have passed by and still, UP wasn’t releasing the list of the second batch. I called and called their department but I always get the same answer. “Just wait.” But all people can grew tired of waiting, and this is the part where I felt it. If I would still wait for them, then chances are, I won’t have any school at all. Hence, I realized that there are battles that you will never win and following your heart won’t assure that you’ll be happy in the end. I am desperate. I’m broken. I’m left out. But God heard me at my worst. UST called me again, offering me a second chance. I grabbed it. And the rest was history.

                   Right now, I'm studying at the University of Sto. Tomas and I am really enjoying my stay here; this place is where I really belong and it was not a coincidence but rather a fate that brought me here. The moral is, the heart can make us to do things that we never thought we can. Blinded from reality and constricted from what we think is right, we often follow it. Doing so is not bad. In fact, only courageous people can do it. However, we must know that there will always be a point in our lives wherein we have to accept defeat and let our dreams go. It might broke our hearts but we should always remember that hearts were made to recover from brokenness. And when that time comes that we have to deal with that dilemma, God will be there to mend us.